Where are all the upscale lesbians?

Posted by Cheril

December 8, 2009

They're not in the clubs. Are they quietly integrated in mainstream society? Do they exist? Where do you find the lesbian version of Taraji P.Henson? Let's see. I have been asked where these lesbians are on quite a few occasions and I suppose the answer really depends on how one interprets upscale. For one person, it may be a club that doesn't allow hats, boots or sneakers, and for another person it might be an event at which there is no need to print the words "classy" or "upscale" on the invitation because the stipulations (black-tie, formal, $$$ admission, etc.) and attention to detail automatically exude class (except for the $ part as having money doesn't always equal having class). Where can you find these women? Well, before I can even get to that I think I should share with you the lens through which I look. To me, an upscale woman is one whose conversation, diction, and intellectual level are superb. She pays attention to detail in her dress, smell, make-up, jewelry and hair—she looks polished. This woman is cultured, well-read, has depth of character, a personal value system by which she lives and has a disarming aura of grace about her when she enters a room. She turns heads but it isn't just because of her physical beauty! She is also emotionally mature, which is a big deal for me because a woman who is emotionally mature is at a point in her life where she can do as she pleases when she pleases and never feels the need to put others down because they behave or look different from her. In other words, she isn't stuck up! And though she won't party with certain people, she doesn't belittle them either. It can be hard to find all of the above in one woman but I believe this type of woman exists. Now where to find her is another story. Personally, I am a homebody. I put spending time with my family above all else. I don't like bars or clubs. This is why I am usually unable to answer this question for people when they ask. When I do go out on the town, I will admit that it's usually to a mainstream party like the NYE party at the Crystal Tea Room or if it is LGBT oriented, it's usually a fund raiser. See, I don't want to hear a bunch of ‘yo son' or ‘that b*tch is trippin' when I'm out. I generally don't want to be in a place where the only staff is bartenders and bouncers. I want a good time and I don't want to feel stressed out while doing so. I want service. Above all, I like privacy and intimacy which is why I usually just hang out with my wife and maybe a few close friends. Anyway, for those of you who view upscale as I do here are a few ideas that might lead you in the right direction. If you still can't find who you're looking for…well…let's just hope this gets your imagination going! -Look into charity functions by hosted by organizations Garden State Equality, National Black Justice Coalition. These organizations often have fund raising galas, dinners, picnics, etc. where you might meet other women (single or coupled) for friendship. -Go to upscale establishments. Try trendy, boutique, and posh restaurants with famed chefs instead of the chains and run of the mill bars. If you're in a small town where there is only one gay bar/club/safe space then this may be a challenge. -If there is such a thing as a gay-friendly membership only/country club near you, join it. If there isn't and you have the resources to create one then by all means, start your own group. Frequent art exhibits and galleries by LGBTQ artists. -Join an upscale dating site. There's got to be a gay friendly, upscale dating site out there that allows you to be very selective about the type of mate you'd like to meet. -Go on a women only cruise to somewhere other than the Caribbean. -Be the woman you want to meet. You might need to upgrade your wardrobe, conversation and overall presentation. All right. I hope that helps. Follow me on Twitter @Cherilnc