This question (or some variation of it) consistently attracts visitors to my blog. Several months ago I wrote an entry entitled Stud 4 stud, Femme 4 femme, are you a gay lesbian? etc. It got a lot of feedback on Twitter and Facebook so I’ve decided to write a new piece to piggyback and hopefully satisfy those who are searching and wondering what an AG is or what a stud dresses like.
With all that being said, I’m going to assume that those who are seeking answers to these questions are either young and new to ‘the life,’ or are from a different region and are just curious about the terms of their fellow lesbanians!
An AG (Aggressive) and stud are both descriptions of lesbians who are more on the tomboy side of things when it comes to manner of dress and gender expression. She may be smooth GQ or she may be more urban—baggy jeans, baseball caps, etc. Either way, this is the box most people speak of when they’re talking about AGs and studs. I’m not going to get into sexual roles because I believe that is personal and unique to each woman. Also, I don’t believe intimate pleasures should be restricted or bound because of what on “expects” an AG or stud to do because of how she chooses to dress and express herself.
Unfortunately, a lot of younger urban lesbians tend to believe they must dress and behave this way if they’re naturally attracted to more feminine women—mimicking heterosexual relationship models of masculine/feminine pairing. To be honest, I once fell into this box. Well, to be more honest, it was actually a little bit of the following: 1) My attraction was to feminine women 2) If I dressed like a ‘girly girl‘ I would attracting studs, AGs and butches, all of whom I had no desire to attract and 3) I had self-esteem issues and felt more comfortable in bigger clothes because I felt safer and less noticed. I will admit that I have always been more comfortable in a hat and jeans than a skirt or dress, always trying to be like my one brother rather than any of my four sisters. But I’ve reached a level of comfort and maturity that I feel A-okay in either attire (except bikinis and such, that’s still a no-no:). To live in a box that only matters to a few (the urban LGBTQ community) is not for me. Through continuous improvement of self and being lucky enough to have the wife that I have, I am very secure and content with my ability to be versatile. I go about my days according to how I feel. Sometimes it’s more masculine and sometimes it’s more feminine. The point is that I dress for me and I hope that you will too.
Never continue to befriend people who are insensitive and closed-minded because they will only keep you where you are rather than encourage you to grow and define yourself. Don’t tolerate people who make jokes and make you feel less than because of your style. They will suck the joy out of your life if you allow them to. If feminine women is type of women you like then you’ll love the ones who accept you as you are and care more about what’s in your heart than what kind of sneakers you’re wearing.
For a deeper look at AGs you, might want to check out the documentary “The Aggressives.”